Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Driving on the Wrong Side of the Road

I’ve officially survived 13 days on the road in New Zealand, and honestly, my camera roll is full, my hiking boots are essentially biohazards, and I’m pretty sure I’m at least 5% Sauvignon Blanc at this point. If you’re planning to follow in my tire tracks (assuming you can find them after all my U-turns), here is the breakdown of how the madness went down.

The Great Migration & The Left-Side Driving Initiation

Our journey began with what I call “The Great Migration”—a 12-hour flight where we clutched our neck pillows like life preservers and entered a collective travel-induced coma. We landed in Christchurch feeling like time-travelers who had lost the manual to the DeLorean.

Being retired (read: exhausted humans) and facing an 18-hour time difference, we decided the smart thing to do was walk around Christchurch immediately. Because nothing says “good decision-making” like exploring a new city when your brain thinks it’s 3 AM. Before I could even find the highway, I battled the dreaded local SIM card setup, visiting both Spark and Skinny providers. I eventually grabbed a Skinny SIM because their branding is honest, which I appreciate when I’m three hours into a tech meltdown.

Then came the rental car. Every time we got in, I’d mutter “keep left, keep left” like a monk with a mantra that would save our lives. Spoiler alert: it did.

📍 Travel Guide: Christchurch

The Vibe: A resilient city mixing old-school English heritage with new-age street art and reconstruction energy.

Must Do: Ride the Heritage Tram. It’s touristy, yes, but it saves your legs and gives you the lay of the land without the risk of walking into traffic.

Foodie Note: The local food halls are great, but maybe skip the “Breakfast Jam” cocktail if you don’t like drinking marmalade.

Hobbits, History, and Cardio Punishment

After reviving ourselves with sleep (a miracle), we hit the road for Castle Hill. This place has serious hobbit vibes. It’s where Chronicles of Narnia was filmed, and walking among the limestone deposits feels like scrambling over a giant’s abandoned LEGO blocks. It’s a culturally significant site to the Māori people, and standing there, realizing this was all underwater millions of years ago, gives you some serious perspective.

Narnia vibes without the White Witch.

Then came the “fun” part: The Devil’s Punchbowl Falls hike in Arthur’s Pass. This was a vertical trek involving approximately one million stairs. I lost count around stair 347. The reward was a plunging waterfall and an introduction to the Kea—alpine parrots that look adorable but are actually feathered hooligans with a taste for car door rubber. Watching one try to dismantle a windshield wiper was the highlight of my day.

📍 Travel Guide: Arthur’s Pass & Castle Hill

Difficulty Level: Castle Hill is a playground scramble (Easy). Devil’s Punchbowl is a Stairmaster from hell (Moderate/Sweaty).

Watch Out For: Kea parrots. They will eat your car. Seriously.

Why Visit: The scenery is prehistoric and dramatic. You feel like you’re in a fantasy novel.

The Turquoise Wonder & The Meltdown (Glacial and Mental)

We ventured to the West Coast to see the famous Hokitika Gorge. The water here is a milky bright turquoise that looks like someone dumped a giant blue Gatorade into the river. Science says it’s “glacial flour”—tiny sediment reflecting light—but I’m convinced it’s magic. There’s a swing bridge that offers amazing views, provided you don’t have a panic attack while crossing it (I only had a minor one).

After enjoying a salad (yes, we ate a salad on vacation, don’t judge us) in the adorable beach town of Hokitika, we drove to Franz Josef Glacier. Standing in front of a receding glacier is a humbling experience—partly because of the majesty of nature, and partly because you’re standing there having an existential crisis about climate change.

📍 Travel Guide: West Coast (Hokitika & Franz Josef)

Best Photo Op: The swing bridge at Hokitika Gorge. Wear bright colors; the blue water makes everything pop.

Shopping: Hokitika is the place for Pounamu (greenstone/jade). Great souvenirs that aren’t plastic keychains.

The Drive: The West Coast roads are winding. Stock up on motion sickness pills if you have a weak stomach.

Pancakes, Blowholes, and Rainforest Saunas

We continued north to Punakaiki to see the Pancake Rocks. These are limestone stacks that literally look like stacks of petrified pancakes. Unfortunately, they are not edible. We arrived a bit late for the high tide drama, but the blowholes were still shooting seawater into the air with enough force to power a small village.

Accommodation highlight: We stayed in a cottage that was half-house, half-open-air rainforest experiment. It had a Swedish dry sauna where we sat steaming while looking at ferns, trying to work up the courage to use the cold plunge pool. We failed. But falling asleep to the sound of the Tasman Sea crashing nearby? 10/10.

📍 Travel Guide: Punakaiki

Timing is Everything: Visit Pancake Rocks at high tide for maximum blowhole action.

Accommodation: Look for eco-cabins in the rainforest. It’s like glamping, but with better plumbing.

The Golden Beaches of Abel Tasman

This was the crown jewel of the trip. We took a speedboat drop-off at Anchorage—passing Split Apple Rock, which looks exactly like a granite fruit that lost a fight with a samurai. From there, we hiked 10 miles back to Marahau.

The trail was mostly flat (bless you, New Zealand) and wound through lush vegetation with constant views of crystal blue-green sea and golden sand. The water was so clear I could see my own toes, which was a nice reminder that they were still attached after all that walking.

📍 Travel Guide: Abel Tasman National Park

The Strategy: Take a water taxi out and hike back. It makes you feel adventurous without the commitment of a multi-day camping trip.

Food: Grab a burger at “Hooked” in Marahau afterwards. You earned it.

Stargazing: The night skies here are insane. No light pollution, just millions of stars judging your hiking form.

Sauvignon Blanc Dreams in Marlborough

We made the pilgrimage to Marlborough, the holy land of Sauvignon Blanc. We lunched at Saint Clair winery, sitting right next to the vines, eating fish and drinking wine in the sun. It made me realize I’ve been doing “lunch” wrong my entire corporate life.

We did a highly efficient wine tasting session where we sampled small amounts from various vineyards like Oyster Bay and Cloudy Bay. It was less romantic than frolicking through vines, but far more efficient for avoiding a hangover.

📍 Travel Guide: Marlborough Wine Region

Drink: Sauvignon Blanc. Obviously.

Transport: Rent a bike for the vineyards if you’re brave, or hire a driver if you plan to actually swallow the wine.

Crayfish and Coastal Drama

On the drive back to Christchurch, we stopped at the legendary Nin’s Bin in Kaikoura. It’s a roadside shack selling fresh crayfish (fancy NZ lobster). Eating seafood on a picnic table next to the crashing Pacific Ocean while fur seals lounge on nearby rocks is peak Kiwi experience.

Auckland & Devonport: The Urban Finale

We flew up to Auckland for the final leg. We took a ferry to Devonport, a time-warp village of Victorian houses and cute shops. The hike up Mount Victoria gave us the perfect skyline shot. Back in the city, we visited the Auckland Art Gallery (sophisticated!) and the War Museum (historical!).

We ended the trip with a dinner at Alma, eating anchovy toast that ruined all other toast for me forever. My hiking boots are trashed, my camera is full, and I’m exhausted. But would I do it again? Absolutely. Just maybe with an automatic transmission next time.

📍 Travel Guide: Auckland

Don’t Miss: The ferry to Devonport. It’s cheap, scenic, and the best way to see the city skyline.

Culture: The Auckland Art Gallery is a masterpiece. Great for rainy days or when you want to feel cultured after days of sweating in the woods.

Final Pro Tip: Flying vs. Driving

If I had to do it again, I’d fly between major hubs. The roads are narrow, bumpy, and require intense concentration. Save your energy for the hikes and the wine. Trust me, your knuckles will thank you for not white-knuckling the steering wheel for 6 hours a day.